Jul
16
2010
That Wall Hurt
Author: ziggyLife has taught me some pretty harsh lessons. My life’s been difficult, though not as difficult as some, but interesting.
Most of the time, I’m on autopilot. Sometimes, you get into these zones and, like I was telling a really good friend of mine, you take things ONE HOUR AT A TIME.
For that week and a half that Iffy was in the hospital, I was running on adrenaline, love, and prayers. I think I crashed this week. I was hit with this emotional wave of realization. If it weren’t for family and some persistent friends, I think I might have slipped into a little depression?
I rarely allow myself these moments, but I feel compelled to share all with you. I haven’t been this tired in a very long time, and I know that its love, faith, and hope that carry me now. ALONG WITH SOME AMAZING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.
I cry at night so that the children don’t know. I scream into the pillows. I cry in the shower. I tried punching a few walls, but it hurt, and this is our new home, and that’s just not productive. I’m angry and afraid and weary.
But I am so very grateful for so many things. My pity party has passed. Time to get back on the horse, girl.
Today, I go to the doctor to be induced. Blood pressure is up 2 weeks running now, and the doctor doesn’t want to take any chances with my cancer history. I will selfishly ask you for more prayers for the safe arrival of the baby, and hopefully, I come out alright as well. Please keep Kameron and Iffy in your thoughts. And if you have a little time, as uncomfortable as it is for me to ask, please say a prayer for my sanity.
Life has a funny way of showing up, even when you can barely keep going.