Jun
21
2010
Jimmy Lee’s Girls
Author: ziggyHAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!!!!!
Daddy fell asleep behind the wheel coming home from work. He worked the 3pm to 11pm shift downtown, at the Post Office. He was 2 minutes from the house. When my Daddy died, the world shifted for me and Jessie, my younger sister. See, she was only 16 months old when it happened. Too young for memories, but I still haven’t decided if that’s tragic or merciful. I, on the other hand, had just turned 8. I have a fuzzy memory of Daddy and his music and Astros’ Games. Just fuzzy memories, never anything too concrete, except for his funeral.
Now, death at that age, is too permanent, almost unreal. Most children can’t appreciate the gravity of the situation. I was no exception. It wasn’t until later on in my life that Daddy’s death hit me, and it hit me hard. He wasn’t there to see me graduate from high school. He wasn’t there to walk me down the aisle. His grandchildren will only know him from old photographs and memories of others.
There’s something that happens to children that lose parents that young. You shut down just a little bit. You look at the world with wary eyes, you trust a little less. You expect things to go wrong, for people to desert you. You just deal. And that’s if you’re lucky.
It’s been almost 25 years since we buried Daddy. My mother remarried and had 2 more kids, and my stepfather wasn’t a bad guy. He had his ways, but don’t we all?
Glen passed away in 2007 from a heart attack, and my heart broke for my younger siblings. They would be joining Jessie and me on this road of soul searching and angst and finally, acceptance.
Because when you lose Mama or Daddy this young, you’re never whole again.
But I salute fathers and stepdads alike, because DNA does not a father make. There are a lot of good men out there who are loving and rearing children not theirs biologically, and trust me, we love you for it. We know it isn’t easy. WE LOVE YOU.
I miss my Daddy, and I miss Glen. I miss them both. And all the anger I had towards my Daddy for leaving me, and towards Glen for not being my Daddy, I’ve had to let it go.
Life has a way of kicking you in the teeth and humbling you. If you don’t let all that animosity and anger go, it really will manifest and eat you from the inside out. Cancer, anyone?
Because in the end, none of this stuff matters. All you have is family and friends and your kids and your love. Love is it, man.
When I was about 12 and Jessie was 5, she asked me about our Daddy. I didn’t know what to tell her, but God sent me a song for her. Now, sadly, its for the younger kids, too. I call it “Flowers on His Grave”, and I dedicate it to my Daddy, Jimmy Lee, and to Glen, and its for me and Jessie and Edbony and Joshua.
Just a thought: Let it go, man. Call your Dad, forgive him his sins, and just love.
FLOWERS ON HIS GRAVE
He said, “Baby, I’ll see you
when I get home tonight.”
They kissed at the front door
and my Mama said, “Alright.”
I looked out the window as
he drove off alone.
I waved to him goodbye
as his car left our home.
I didn’t like that feeling,
the feeling that hit me.
As I said goodbye for the last
time to my Daddy.
And the tears roll down,
and the pain hurts real bad.
But I can still look back on yesterday
and the good times we had.
And I put flowers on his grave.
Love you all. Thank you for humoring the 12 year old in me.
Tags: Father's Day, love, lyrics